I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
