Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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