so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
