I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
