Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
