Dual....:-)
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
