just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
