Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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