How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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