Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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