Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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