We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
