I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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