You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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