just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
