from now on my penis is your penis
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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