Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
