Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
