I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
