I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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