Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
