I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
