i jhust puked up my retainher.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
