Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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