I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
