I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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