Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
