So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
