if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
