So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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