O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
