she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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