roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
