Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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