Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
