So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
