So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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