we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
