we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize