I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
