This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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