I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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