She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
