I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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