break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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