just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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