I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize