420 ftw
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
