I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
