Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
