I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
