This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
