WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
