I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
