I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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