ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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