how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
