you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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