well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
