Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
