I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
