dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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