i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize