would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
