You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
