On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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