I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize